All I want for Christmas . . .

No, it’s not “you” or “my two front teeth,” though if you promise to scrub and wax my kitchen floor until it’s shining I may reconsider. It’s this lens. This triumph of photographic technology.

The 50mm f/1.8 lens. Yes, I’d like the 1.4 lens, but since it’s about 4 gazillion times as expensive, I’ll make do with this lovely object. I was about to commend my own frugality, but then I remembered that I already have two lenses . . . and so even purchasing a third lens might not put me in the category of a Scrimpin’ Sally.

So why do I want this lens? Well, its aperture potential is much wider than my current lenses, and a lens with a wider opening means more light comes in, which means I can capture better pictures in low-light situations and get better bokeh . . . and I’ve heard it’s great for portraits and food photography, which are my favorite things to do.

Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaassseeeeeeeee????? Saaaaantaaaa? Let me tell you how good I’ve been this year:

-I didn’t hit Scrimpin’ Sally

-I didn’t make fun of Picky Polly

-I may have taken out the trash once . . . oh wait, that was last year

Arncha proud of me??

(I know neither a Sally nor a Polly, but I’m banking on the fact that Santa has poor eyesight, a bad memory, is generally behind the times, and enjoys it when I use words like “arncha” since it makes me sound like an annoying little girl from a ’50s sitcom, when Santa was in his prime)

That Santa–it’s like he’s not even grounded in reality anymore.

Of course, some more Burts Bees products, bottles of Lestoil, tubs of Noxzema, or buckets of Vick’s VapoRub could all help me with my sniffing problems. Help feed them, I mean. Have you ever stuck your nose in a tub of Vick’s? Oh, how I pity those of you who haven’t. I bet Santa is a huuuuge Vicks addict, what with living in the North Pole and all. He probably has a constant runny nose and rubs Vicks all over his hairy, wrinkled chest every night.

Ew. Let’s keep Santa fully clothed for the remainder of this post.

And now that I’m thinking about presents, a couple more Jeffery Farnol novels couldn’t hurt, just so I don’t wear the cover off of Winds of Chance. Nope, they couldn’t hurt one bit.

Until we move to a different apartment and that last box of Farnol novels going up the steps herniates something or someone.

I’m also very bad to my skin and regularly fail to use make-up remover before going to bed . . . or moisturizer for that matter . . . so I could use some Clinique “Take the Day Off” remover and some of that yellow moisturizer my sister Erica swears by (and I steal every time we’re together) . . .

Oh yeah, there’s always the fabled microplane zester that everyone has been extoling on their blogs for about 10 years. I’m so behind the times, man . . .

. . . or a bunch of great clothes that make me look a) more curvaceous on top, b) less curvaceous on the bottom, and c) make my eyes look bigger and my skin look smoother. In general, I’m going for a combination of Kate Moss and Marilyn Monroe. Both skinny, and also curvaceous; there’s got to be a way to have it all. Santa? Hello? Santa?

Hmmm, we seem to have lost the big red-suited fat man. Maybe he doesn’t know who Kate Moss is–too modern. He’s stuck in the past, the old geezer.

What’s on your Christmas list this year?

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15 Responses to All I want for Christmas . . .

  1. Laughing at the mental image of hairy, wrinkly Santa slathered in Vicks. Eww. But I do love the smell, just like you.

    This Christmas, I want a new butt. Alas, I don’t think Santa has that in his sack.

  2. Cindy says:

    KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer. In red.

    And a set of red Le Creuset pots.

    Hope you get your lens.
    Think of me making do with my lil ole (in case Santa’s reading this) Canon Powershot SX110IS …

  3. Circe says:

    I treated myself to a point and shoot for my brithday, but alas I feel as though I’ve outgrown it, so now I want a much better camera, oh and ski trip to Mount. Tremblant, and a rug, and a registered retirement plan. I’m weighing down Santa’s sleigh this year.

  4. Carrie says:

    I’ll take a thriving music career. Ya know, one that actually pays the bills. I think we might actually be on the way, though… I owe you $13.75 from covers on Sunday night. :) Oh, and I’ll take some Burt’s too.

    Ignoring the blasphemy against the jolly ol’ elf… ;)

  5. Sexy lens!

    My Wish List (in no particular order):

    – a flat iron that isn’t a piece of crap
    – Harry Potter wand flashflight
    – new slip-on Vans
    – Severus Snape
    – for my husband to support the aforementioned

  6. Vesselina says:

    forget just the lens…. I want it ALL… The camera, the lens (es), the external flash! Most of all though, I’m praying for peace and good memories this year. Forgive the cliche. Love you.

  7. claire says:

    i havent even started to think about what i want this year… maybe to lose 15 lbs!? haha, but with all of this cooking I dont see that happening!

  8. I’ll go with Claire. I could stand to lose 15 lbs. It won’t happen for me either. I’d be grateful not to gain at least. I enjoyed your post. I hope Santa hasn’t retired. Was he a baby boomer? Ha! Who wasn’t back then? The skinny, slack-jawed youth, that’s who. Blessings to you…

    • Jenna says:

      I agree–I’ll be happy not to gain! What with Thanksgiving, being ployed with the most delicious food at the PW’s ranch, and the Christmas holiday approaching, I’ll be lucky to keep things as they are. In fact, this very morning I was remarking that my grey wool pants are waaaay tighter than they were last winter. I’m trying to blame it on the layer of leggings underneath. Except I also wore leggings under them last year, so there goes that theory.

  9. I TOTALLY GET wanting a new lens. I’ve tried to put a bug in my brother’s ear about getting me a nice DSLR…but he doesn’t pick up on subtlety. Sigh. I’ll put a bug in Santa’s ear instead!

    Probably the most accessible gift on my Christmas list would be the King Arthur Bread Flour cookbook. I want to start making my own bread because, honestly, I feel like I’m losing so many minutes of my life when I stand in the grocery store and debate whether I can afford the $2 Sara Lee or the more hearty $3 variety. It’s getting ridiculous.

    BTW, I saw you on the PW post, and it made me grin! :)

  10. Joanne says:

    I adore you more and more with every post. But really, yes, let’s keep santa clothed. For all of time. Ever and anon. K?

    I desperately want a DSLR for Christmas. And then I’ll start working on lenses for my birthday. In february. Sounds logical, yeah?

  11. Madeline says:

    I’m really wanting a new (and ridiculously expensive) foot for my sewing machine this year. But, for my birthday, I’m asking for a new lens…just haven’t decided which one yet. Thankfully, I have a few months.

  12. Naked Santa? (((shudder)))

    I’d like a “big girl” DSLR camera. I’ve been really good this year. ;) Or a pair of Frye boots. Because I’ve been really, really good.

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