Feeling like a King

Once upon a time, I heard from our good friend Alex that drinking beer in the shower makes you feel like a king.

One day the other week I was taking a shower, thinking about food. No surprise there. Hmmm, I was thinking, how could I combine the idea of twice baked potatoes and the idea of crash hot potatoes in an iron skillet to produce layers of magic in my mouth? It’s a question I’ve been pondering for a few months, on and off. As my brain happily perused images of heavy cream, garlic, chives, and indecent amounts of shredded cheese, suddenly, out of the blue, it hit me–

–today was the day to test the beer in the shower thing that I’d been hearing about for years. I don’t know what brought it to mind during this shower as opposed to any other; I can only call it ‘destiny.’ I realized at the same moment that I had a responsibility to my blogging friends to report back on this combination of cleanliness and drink and hot water. Did it really make you feel like a king? Or was Alex just leading me down the primrose path? I was going to get to the bottom of this pronto.

My first thought was contamination. I had visions of my Tres Semme shampoo leaking its way into my beer supply and destroying the whole experience. But don’t worry! It was only after all the chemical processing was over–shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and Noxzema–that I lifted my voice:

“Honey!” I cried out above the noise of the shower, “Could you please bring me a beer?”

“A beer?”

*pregnant pause*

“Yes, a beer!”

It’s a testament to my husband’s faith, goodwill, and general goodness of soul that the beer was promptly delivered, no further questions asked.

He handed over the beer.

I opened the can safely away from the streams of shower water.

I returned to the comforts of the hot water.

Then I took that first, gloriously cool sip.

Analyze your feelings. Be objective, I told myself. People expect cold, hard, reporting from your blog. You can’t let them down.

So here’s the cold, hard truth, and I hope you’re ready for it:

I wouldn’t say I felt exactly like a king.

. . . maybe like an earl. Or a duke. Or maybe even the squire of a duke.

This could be a result of the following:

-I only drank 4 sips. I can never finish a beer anyway.

-Hamm’s is the cheapest beer at $3.29 for a 6-pack

I have had chocolate in the shower once or twice, and I would tend to say that beats out beer–I believe further testing is required though. Note to self: keep candy tray with assortment of chocolates in shower area for analytic experimentation. Track results over the next 10 years, and report back.

And that about wraps it all up. Come back Monday for an in-depth analysis of my experience eating sushi while sky diving, and my other experience having high tea while deep-sea diving. Did I feel like a king, an outlaw, a princess, or a mere scullery wench? The answers are not to be missed!

*Note/disclaimer: don’t drink in the shower. You could get hurt.

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21 Responses to Feeling like a King

  1. Cindy says:

    You’re certifiably loony, but thanks for the laugh.
    As a dedicated quaffer of wine in the shower, I can say that my own experience is of feeling like … a duchess!

  2. Cindy says:

    I meant the bath, not the shower; don’t shower. Ever. Could never master the logistics of rinsing the soap off the nether regions without getting a lot of water up my nose.

  3. Circe says:

    This is funny. I don’t think I could drink in the shower, I’m so uncoordinated

  4. Veronica says:

    EWwwwww. That would make me feel like the victim of terrorism, def not a King. I hate beer. And besides, since I’m dangerous in the shower already, adding alcohol into the mix wouldn’t be pretty. I once cut my husband on the you know what with my razor in the shower. Yeah.

  5. Weighting For 50 says:

    This is a hilarious post!! Good for you for giving the beer in the shower a go!!

  6. Kay Heritage says:

    Jenna, I know you are funny, adorable, hilarious, quirky….and now with this post, I do not know what to think! :)

  7. Joanne says:

    Good experimentation skillz, I have to say. Although you need some kind of control. A soda or a glass of wine or something to make sure it’s not just an effect of drinking in the shower and that it’s specific to the beer. Just saying :P And I’ll take part in that chocolate-in-the-shower trial. The more participants the better, for statistical purposes.

  8. Marre says:

    I might just have to try this…

  9. Maren says:

    This is very strange but intriguing.

  10. Tes says:

    It sounds like fun to drink in the shower! This might not work in this season, though…our water heater is dead :)

  11. Monet says:

    Oh my goodness…you are such an entertaining writer! I so enjoyed reading your post, and it made me laugh out loud! I can never finish a beer either, so I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to in the shower. However…a glass of wine while soaking in the tub? I think I could manage that! Thanks for sharing..and for visiting my blog!

  12. Too cute! I prefer wine in the bath. Easier to drink.

    • Jenna says:

      That’s a fantastic idea . . . if only I felt good enough about my bathtub to take a bath in it. I think the tub is ancient, and the bottom is completely worn away. It always looks dirty even right after I scrub it down . . . one day though!

  13. alongtheohio says:

    This is great! I’m not sure you want to go with Hamm beer….but I suppose it would make the argument that it is the act of having beer in the shower and not the brand of beer that makes you feel like royalty.

    I wonder is Prince William has beer in the shower!?
    Surely he would…

  14. Angie says:

    I was about to say…’Um…you are drinking Hamm’s…” Maybe if you had tried the ‘champagne of beers’ Miller High Life, things would have changed? Cheers to the attempt! =)

  15. Mads says:

    It sounds like I am perhaps the only one of your readers who has attempted this before. Perhaps that’s a testament to your quality readers or perhaps it says something about my drinking habits. Either way, I am proud.

    I have yet to attempt a glass of wine. Perhaps this could be your next experiment.

  16. suzicate says:

    This is hilarious. I can’t say I’ve ever drank beer in the shower (well, maybe one of those outdoor thingies at the beach!), but an inside bathroom shower, well, I guess I haven’t really lived yet until I try it!

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